(Confidential to my sister: Hey Amie! What's up? Hey, I'm going to save you a phone call so you don't have to leave me a message that says, "That thing you wrote. I didn't get it. Why'd you write that? I didn't get it." So, here's a little note so you'll get it! You see, the headline of this blog post is a play on words. It is a play on words from a popular movie in the late 1980's starring Winona Ryder called "Heathers," which if you were at all a misfit in high school or even flirted with the possibility of joining Amnesty International or Spanish Club, you watched multiple times and were like OMG OMG OMG. Anyway, Amie, there was this so-terrible-it's-funny scene in it right after Christian Slater's dastardly J.R. character has killed these two football players. And so the father of one of the two jocks at the funeral is really distraught. Why is he distraught? Well his son has been murdered for one. But mostly, he's distraught because his jock son has been killed and it was staged as a double suicide resulting from a gay lover's quarrel, which of course leads to the best line in the entire movie, wait for it, Student in Parking Lot 1: "Did you hear? School's canceled today because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed, homosexual suicide pact." Dialogue! And so you know how fathers of jocks are, right? If they find out their son is gay? Bad, bad news. So earnestly trying to make the best of it jock dad says at the funeral with a very charming conviction which really embodies that famous Hollywood note ("Deliver the moment, deliver the moment") he says: "I love my dead gay son." Which is, you know, it's so terrible it's funny, kind of like when Kramer was trying to apologize for his racist tirade and then referred to black people as Afro-Americans on Letterman, which, that's just not good, that's the wrong term. Which reminds me of an absolutely brilliant line from Chris Rock when he was on Bill Maher's "Real Time" recently and was asked whether Michael Richards should be considered racist or not. Rock was all: "He yelled n----- in a crowded theater! What do you gotta do to be called a racist these days...shoot Medgar Evers?" My point being that great classic "Heathers" quote for some reason came to mind when I was trying to come up with a headline to put on this blog post that features a clip of me doing stand up at Mo Pitkin's where I do a few bits about our blind father. So yeah. Thanks for listening, Amie. And definitely rent that movie! You'll see what I mean. It is totally weird.)
from listening to the pure toxic sadness of this mind-blowing Alec Baldwin voicemail, enjoy the pure joyful hilarity of this Will Ferrell/Adam McKay sketch.
and dude, wow, thanks Lindsay (the kava line really is the most LOL, OMG), follow this link which also led me to this link, which leads to other links, but really just those two links for starters.
Oh, and be sure to come to Chicks and Giggles on Tuesday night (8 p.m., Mo Pitkins). I'm doing 10 minutes on links. But really, you must come because I'll be doing 72 percent stuff that is all new and would love to have you and seriously, just show up. Don't you feel glad you're emailing all your friends to make plans for this most excellent comedy show? Good. I feel good about you feeling good.
SAVE the money you were going to spend on journalism school, kids - all you need is the new Halle Berry movie!
Remember how the buxom Oscar winner completely nailed what it's like to be a cat and a woman? Well, bingo for the new thriller "Perfect Stranger," which places the curvy sexpot as an undercover reporter for the New York tabloid "The Courier," which looks, smells and even runs headlines like The Post.
As a reporter for New York's biggest tabloid, I can't tell you how bizarre it was to watch my life reflected so exactly up on the screen!
Like Berry's dogged character Rowena, I, too, live in a sick Manhattan apartment, wear only the finest designer clothes and have a creepy relationship with the office I.T. guy (Giovanni Ribisi) who's like a super-cool combination of Knight Rider, James Bond and Jem and the Holograms. This guy is truly outrageous!
MySpace finally gives my parents the grandchild they so deserve
Commenter 1: Hello Mandy: Whats Good? Thanks for being a friend. Keep doin' ya thing Commenter 2: Have a sweet weekend Commenter 3: Hugs Commenter 4: Congratulations on your unplanned pregnancy Commenter 5: JUST PASSIN THROUGH,I SEE CONGRATS ARE IN ORDER.I WISH YOU THE BEST.
About me: I have limited time. It's not personal. Even though I haven't met you, I really think you are going to get everything you want out of life. That's not me being a hipster C U Next Tuesday either. It's all going to work out. Awesome.
More about what I am looking for: I like smart people. I like funny people. I like sea otters. Please contact me if you are a sea otter.
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