Mandy, I'm a huge fan of your Cat in a T-shirt story. It has spawned a whole new realm of internet rejection for me.

However, I think it only works in the short-term really.

I'm really not even sure how to ask this, but I was wondering if you could help me break up with my boyfriend? I was thinking maybe a letter, or maybe a dirty limerick? Just whatever you could come up with would help out so much!

Thanks so much in advance,
Tom

***

Tom,
Thank you so much!

Here you go.

Dear boyfriend,

I am breaking up with you because that bitch Mandy Stadtmiller told me to. I'm sorry. I didn't want to. But she insisted. Blame her. And good luck with everything. Thanks for the cuddling. I liked it when you did that one thing with the thing.

Love,
Tom