If you're going to go to a lot of holiday parties this year, I recommend going to a Donald Trump fete, drinking only the finest champagne, meeting your new gay best friend, going to a Carolines party, drinking 18 vodka sodas, texting an old flame to find out the size of his penis before he leaves for Geneva, losing your wallet somewhere between the McDonald's in Times Square and the very angry cab driver in Brooklyn, and arriving home to find a large package that is the Bible your uncle ordered you during that one lousy weekend when you called him and declared Jesus Christ to be your personal lord and savior.

I also recommend the McFlurry.

In the spirit of excess, here's a pretty great clip I watched before interviewing Artie Lange a while back. Makes me miss seeing Norm MacDonald on a more regular basis.

AND HOLY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR...have you seen this?