Lo and behold, Andy Dick finally responds.

Dick reads: "You printed all that crap about me when I asked you nicely to be on my side please and print something good. You came into my dressing room uninvited and we were all having a good time. You included. You know when something is printed in black and white it reads differently. You slanted everything. Why would you take advantage of me? Why would you kick a man when he's down? I guess you don't believe in God or karma or anything beside making a quick buck or promoting your lame comedy. Please, don't use me as your fodder. I think you are more of a monster every day than I am when I'm drinking. I certainly do hope I run into your sorry pathetic . . . " Etc.

So Andy Dick has a hand-written letter to me he keeps in a spiral notebook. No word on whether he still thinks I look like a fucking coke whore. Plenty of word on the fact that he thinks I'm using him to promote my "lame comedy."

Which is what the little self-affirmation above my bed says.

Have you thought about how you can use Andy Dick to make a quick buck or promote your lame comedy today?

I've also decided to start a line of greeting cards that say,

• "I think you are more of a monster than I am ... every day."
• "I certainly do hope I run into your sorry, pathetic ... Etc."
• "You printed all that crap about me ... when I asked you nicely to be on my side please and print something good."

Listen, this is well-written article, full of many David Chase-worthy pithicisms about the deeper meaning of human consciousness. But I think it's important to say what I said to Howard Stern's reporter when he interviewed me (and how funny that in the end, it's Stern's show that is more thorough in its reporting than The Washington Post). Was I appalled? Yeah. I've never had someone force themselves on me like that, let alone bite me. I was shaking. I came out of Dick's dressing room, showed the bite to my friend Maggie Bandur, who said, "Jesus Christ, are you OK?", mentioned it to the Comedy Central publicist and in those 2 seconds realized: I'm going to write this story for The Post, but I'm not going to take any legal action. It was ridiculous, it was absurd, it was frightening and yes, it was also totally hysterical. That doesn't make it right. That just makes it what it was.

That's the weird thing about Andy Dick. I think he's a brilliant comic mind who's very troubled. My guess is that he's such a great improviser (he studied at ImprovOlympic with Charna Halpern who I also studied with) that he's always wanting to up the ante. So he does. But in his desire to take it just a little bit farther (because, yes, that usually is hilarious), he can go way too far. Aggressively trying to kiss and licking someone as she resists, grabbing her chest and biting (if the skin had been broken, I think I would have passed out) is taking it too far. That's assault.

Was he scary? Yeah. Was he hilarious? Yeah. That was the freakiness of the entire encounter: it's a powerful, unsettling combination.

"Sounds like a pre-rape tape," Stern said after playing the audio. "I think if she wasn't a reporter, she might have been in trouble," Artie Lange added.

My therapist asked me when this happened: Are you OK? My friends asked me: Are you OK? My parents asked me: Do you want to hear about the new kitchen remodeling project? I am, and I do.

As I told Stern's Steve Langford, Dick is lucky. Because most women would have pressed charges. I used to cover courts and getting involved in a legal battle with a nutcase is just about the last thing I want to do.

In terms of Dick's allegation that I went to his dressing room uninvited, that's blatantly false. I wanted to interview him at the after-party where everyone else was. That's where I interviewed every other damn comedian. Dick indicated I had to follow him. He first tried to take me out back where it would have just been the two of us but a security guard prevented him. When that plan failed, he took me to his dressing room for the interview.

The main thing that creeps me out about this WP story is the fact that the man bit me on the hand like a rabid dog and it's not mentioned at all. Kind of an important detail to completely neglect when talking about coverage of the incident. Explains why the press headlines, quoted in the beginning of the article, were so reactionary.

However, when all is said and done, it is Andy Dick we're talking about here.

It is Andy Dick.

And, to me, the fact that he still can't seem to figure out why I didn't write something nice after what happened that night...is quite possibly, the funniest thing he's done in a very long time.