1) I have this problem where I can't stop watching "Laguna Beach" even though I realize it is terrible for my soul.

2) I put my name in Google image search tonight and the second picture is the most graphic close-up of Sharon Stone's vagina I've ever seen in my life.

3) What if one day the Middle East crisis is solved because someone is able to definitively answer the question, "Who wore it better?"

4) Have you ever tried plugging your iPod into the homeless dude busking on the subway?

5) Why is the guy who's wearing the "Lies Start Wars" button always the same guy who's eating bread out of the package with half the plastic gnawed away?

6) Is it just me or do you kind of want to date rape the shit out of those American Apparel mannequins? I know what you're thinking: Why not the salesgirls? Here's the thing. I feel like they'd say yes, and I kind of want a challenge.

7) The next time you are despairing for the universe, try dropping a grape on a crowded C train. Trust me on this one.

8) Do you think very early in the day, people in Vietnam greet each other with, "Good morning Vietnam!"?

9) I always screw up the airkiss greeting. I'm not sure why but I think it's because I use too much tongue.

10) I guess when the person sitting next to you in the bathroom stall is weeping softly it's not the best time to say, "Stop disappointing me."