1) When my sister entered a beauty contest in high school, she made it to the final Q&A round.

The judges asked her what she enjoyed doing more than anything else.

In the audience, my family eagerly awaited her reply. I sat next to my mother who sat next to my father. He is blind, which he's always been since my sister and I have known him. We are not a politically correct family. To that end, instead of calling the greater blind populace "visually challenged," my family called them "blindfuckers."

On stage, Amie widened her eyes and blinked. She looked straight at us.

"What I find most rewarding," she said with a huge grin, "is spending time with my physically challenged father."

And that's how you win a beauty contest.

2)-34) can be found here.