She said I need to open my heart to love. Now I go around muttering this to anyone who will listen.

1) "How funny running into you here."

"Yeah." Long exhale. "I'm trying to open my heart to love."

2) "I'm actually kind of busy right now."

"Yeah." Long exhale. "I'm trying to open my heart to love."

3) "Please stop calling me."

"Yeah." Long exhale. "I'm trying to open my heart to love."

Text message later that night: ...trying 2 open myhrt 2 luv...wot u doin?

To further myself in this goal (and because I don't want to pay the psychic $500 for the specially fashioned candles she says are necessary...although I'm sure they're delicious) I've decided to start earnestly going on at least one date per month.

To that end, I joined Nerve tonight, because clearly that is the place you go to open your heart to love.

Unfortunately, the user handle trying2openmyheart2love was taken. As was cuddlemonster24, fucksalotofdoctors, asstastic4u, kittenkrazy_nyc and clooneyfan2003. So I registered as the next best thing.

Ucanttouchthis.

I describe my ideal afternoon as winking at strangers on Nerve, cutting myself to make sure I'm alive, and baseball with friends.

So, good luck with that.