1) I'm guest comedian blogging this week at Comedy Central. Carlos Mencia was last week so it's a pretty seamless transition. This is your big chance to comment on my posts since I don't leave room for them here. Let's get the ball rolling: I have a fat ass. Fat fat fattyass. They should call me Fattyassdtmiller. Fatassdtastic.

2) When you make your reservations for New York's Funniest Reporter Contest this Thursday at Gotham, say you are there for "Mandy Stadtmiller." Tell them you are using air quotes unless you own a video phone.

Thursday
Sept. 14
7 p.m.
$12/two drink min (all proceeds go to charity)
Gotham Comedy Club
208 W. 23rd St. (7th & 8th Aves.)
212/367-9000

3) Also don't forget to mark your calendar for this Friday for the Pindeldyboz fundraiser. I'll be doing a totally different set, most likely consisting of hilariously mortifying journal entries I write every damn day on the F train. The phrases, "You are beautiful," "You are a beautiful child of the universe," and "I really need to buy socks," will be read with complete and utter conviction.

Friday
Sept. 15
7 p.m.
$10
The Slipper Room
167 Orchard St.
Lineup includes: Seth Herzog, Michael Showalter and Sam Lipsyte.

4) I hope to see you both Thursday (it really is the new Tuesday) and Friday (it really is the new Thursday) because afterward I'm going to be on performing hiatus for a while to work on a book proposal for my very patient literary agent.

See how hilarious that sentence was. That's just a taste of what you are in store for.

Let's put the "totes" in "I will totes be there."

5) Do something good today. Peace.