The lovely and talented Lester Nelson is going to be designing my new Web site. Thanks for continuing to believe in friendship and magic, everybody. Let's do this thing.

My mother discovered a new comedian last night while on the phone with me. He is from Russia. His last name is Smirnoff. She's cutting out the newspaper clipping right now. "You have to read about this guy," she said.

My niece came up with a great joke in San Diego when I visited last weekend. "What are you writing?" she asked me.

"Kids are so great," I said. "They're like, entertain me entertain me entertain me you bore me."

She looked very sad. So she offered an alternative.

"What about," she said, "Sea World is great for friends and family?"

She's right. The bit kills.

This Saturday I'll be doing a set at the Underground Above Ground Comedy Showcase, where you can see me talk about the quite possibly gay dude I made out with this weekend.

As I told him before we started assfucking, "Did you know Sea World is great for friends and family?"

Don't worry, mom. That's totally a joke.

Sea World is terrible for friends and family.

May 27, 8 p.m.
Laugh Factory
303 W. 42nd St., Suite 315
Manhattan
$5