Now that I'm in New York, I need to find a new doctor. I was going to ask for some friends' recommendations, but I've just decided to wait for the finale of "America's Next Top Ear, Nose and Throat Surgeon."

Also, I was in the subway and this girl said to this other girl, "Where'd you get that handbag? I love it." And the other girl was like, "Lower East Side." And the girl who asked was like, "Lowereassie? Where's that?"

Then there was a strike.

Also, when I was practicing my little skits and jokes and jokes and jokes with a few lady friends before performing my last night in Chicago, one lady friend was like, "And you're going to perform that? Tonight?" And I'm all, "Yeah." And she's all, "I'd rather kill myself." And I'm all, "Yeah." And she's all, "It makes me think of my friend who at the end of a job interview said, 'I'd like to share with you this poem.'" And I'm all, "At the end of the job interview? He read a poem?" And she's all, "Yeah. He said, 'This is a poem I wrote about my chosen field of human resources.'"

And then another lady friend, she's like, "That one joke makes me think about how when my husband asked me what I was fantasizing about the last time we were having sex, I said I was imagining that he was a 19th century Freudian doctor, and I was a woman suffering from hysteria." And I was like, "Yeah. And what'd your husband say?" And she's like, "He said, 'Wow. That's really specific.'"

Also have you heard that new song?

(She give me money)

I ain't saying she a grave digger...

(When I'm in need)

But she ain't messin' with no cremated uhn

And finally, the number of times I have been mischeviously slapped on the ass at a Sunday meet-and-greet brunch thus far since moving to New York:

1.

Stadtmiller out.