Birthday wish:

"Just thought I'd send a wacky e-card to a wacky gal, with hopes that she has a wacky birthday!!!

"And by wacky, I mean fucking an old dude on a boat!!!!"

Friendster message in 2003:

"147 friendsters?!?!

"How sad that your need for approval is so public."

Friendster message in 2005:

"Is that you on a private plane?

"Looks like someone's trying a little too hard."

At a bar in New York:

Me: "For some reason this guy just brought out all my teenage insecurities."

Him: "Yeah. That's totally hot."