1) Child molestation acquittal makes chin cleft even more impish than before.

2) The vigil—it totally worked!

3) Never believe the children.

4) Three words: Jesus, unicorns, and kittens.

5) Whatever you do, avoid any and all phrases ending in "o," excepting "Hoo hoo!"

6) What part of "Your butt is mine" did the district attorney not understand? And what about "You know, you know, you know it, sh'mon?"

7) Finally, no more tossing and turning. Looking forward to sleeping like a dangled baby again.

8) Anyone who could love a chimp like that could never fellate a child. A chimp maybe, but not a child.

9) Why didn't they prosecute the real culprit here? Cancer, anyone?

10) Thousands of screaming fans can't be wrong. Ever.