Mandy Stadtmiller Dot Com

See you in 2005

A few holiday gifts:

1) The best "Daily Show" clip of the year

2) A pretty good Strong Bad email (don't forget to check out the coozies at the end)

3) "This American Life" made me glad I heard "Welcome to the Millennium"

4) An article I found interesting

5) Receipt museum, then go buy this

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Select filter

The director's cut

In 1991, when my Uncle Bob was in the hospital for the last few weeks of his life, he didn't feel up to seeing many visitors. I felt lucky to spend any time with him at all. Bob made commercials for Nike, and he was the funniest person I've ever met.

The last time I saw him, we talked about "Thelma & Louise," the movie we had seen only a month earlier. He was skinny and pale and sad, but the thought of the shitty movie brought out the best in him. Surrounded by useless flower arrangements, he laughed and fiddled with the hospital sheets.

"It was a complete rip-off of 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'," he said, "and I still don't know why Susan Sarandon wouldn't go through Texas."

"Did she have some bad chili?" he asked. "I have no idea. I'm completely left hanging."

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Excuse me

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A quick lesson in propriety

Now is not the time to talk about "hot button" issues. These issues may "press your buttons," but the world does not cater to selfish tailors. Unless you have a son or daughter in Iraq, talk about the weather. Everyone is going to have opinions on the Scott Peterson trial, but let's leave that to the doomsayers and the gloomy Gusses. Do you cook? Have you baked any cookies lately? Do you enjoy baking cookies? I think you could have found a better transition than the Yushchenko poisoning, don't you? Let's put some effort into this. Do you know any jokes? No, I don't know what Seattle and Cher have in common, but please do not make this a political thing. I'm just saying. You can't be too careful. The election is past. It is over. Do you have any holiday plans? Any plans for the holidays? How is the new shade in the diversion room turning out? What were your ultimate feelings on eggshell for a base coat? Do you think the tassels on these pillows are too proud? Too reserved? Now is the time to speak your mind.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Math club soup for the fifth-grade soul

Early New Year's resolutions

1) End more conversations with "Done and done."

2) Photograph kitten in a precarious situation.

3) Spread awareness.

4) Jump, jump.

5) MoveOn.

6) Kill Whitey.

7) Date Anne Heche.

8) Really, really believe that all my dreams can come true.

9) Look longingly off into the distance.

10) Done and done.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004

Zoo crew

Impulse buys

"Home Decorating for the Severely Retarded"

"The Ultimate A-to-Z Alphabet Guide"

"2005: A Nation Anticipates"

"The Five People You Meet in Madison County"

"He's Just Not That Into Women"

"Don't Sweat the Death Threat Stuff"

"Harry Potter and the Order of Nebbishy Neurotics"

"Peas: The Missing Manual"

Monday, December 6, 2004

Functionality

V. 2.0

Future site enhancements will include:

1) Behind-the-scenes audio commentary revealing favorite gaffes, laffs, and flubs

2) Outrageous deleted posts

3) Hot-or-not uterine cam

4) Comments section tentatively titled Oh No You Didn't

5) Translation into seven hilarious socioeconomic dialects

6) "Pals" that you can "pay"

7) Hidden Easter eggs redirecting to all-Chomsky wish list

8) Exclusive Web links

9) Targeted pop-up ads based on red state, blue state, and secret state status

10) Actual oven-fresh cookies

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Note to self

Thursday, December 23, 2004